WANTED: LESLIE REYNOLDS
Description:
· Height: 5’ 4¾” tall (don’t underestimate her prowess, she’s stealth)
· Weight: a whopping 110 pounds (soaking wet) of pure muscle – looks can be deceiving
· Eyes: blue/green, they change like a cat. WARNING: do NOT make eye contact, her gaze leaves its victims in a trance, there are known cases of death from the effect of her glance.
· Hair: high and tight! Blonde in color, brunettes beware
· Shoe size: 6 ½ to 7
· Markings: unmistakable freckle on the bottom of her left foot. CAUTION: if you can see the freckle it means that her foot is in your face.
We have recently been made aware that Leslie has been in contact with her family. Please watch for her parents, Darryl and Jeannie Reynolds, father and mother of the family of four. We only know of the whereabouts of two of the children. The oldest, Kami, was last sighted in a small town in south eastern Arizona, called Pima. She is well armed and personally protected by her 6’ 3” 165 lbs body guard. He’s lean but mean. Rumor has it that they are married, but we doubt the rumor. Leslie’s brother, Craig, was last spotted running with Gringos in Brazil. He stands 6’ 3” tall and 195 lbs. Built like a tree trunk, you won’t want to mess with the ‘Craig-n-ator’ as he is called. Then there is Madison, she is the youngest of the children age 11, and is reported to tag along with the parents, Darryl and Jeannie.
All of the family should be considered armed and dangerous. They are sometimes referred to as: The Six Pack, The Mesa Gambinos and The Sensational Six. If you have any information about their whereabouts please contact local law enforcement. Do not try to apprehend them on your own. A substantial reward is being offered.
Leslie’s piano playing skills have forced her to go mad. Eight years of dedicated piano experience allowed her to teach other students. However, this drove Leslie insane. Her attention to details and commitment to excellence overwhelmed the students and they became un-teachable. This is what caused Leslie’s fits of rage and uncontrollable violent outbursts. Leslie has been known to lock here students inside the piano bench if they did not play Bach’s Third concerto in B Minor flawlessly.
Her obsession with the TV show ‘House’ has lead to entertain raunchy delusions of perceived superiority and medical genius. Her fascination with the show lead to her performing grotesque experiments of unspeakable proportions including: melting ice cubes on one victim’s forehead and water-boarding.
Most of her crazy ideas steam from lazily laying on her bed, listening to her radio and watching her favorite, yet terribly disturbing TV shows “Monk” and “Psyche”. When not absorbed in mindless TV, Leslie has been known to read voraciously, finishing the Harry Potter series and Twilight in a matter of three hours. Her ex-best friend little miss Taylor, the tattle-telling tall-telling-trader, describes her as a ‘reading machine.’
Training, background & the criminal mind:
Leslie has been in school for the last seven years of her life, her goal: become an accomplished Marshal Arts Master. Her Sensei revealed that she has always done well in her training, learning quick and exceeding above others with little effort. All of her efforts have paid of by earning her A’s and B’s. Her training as a Ninja Warrior paid off this year when she was selected to be on the Olympic Ninja Warrior team representing China. Unfortunately, international outrage precluded her from participating. Watch out for her combat skills, even Jackie Chan won’t fight her in battle.
WARNING: her only known weakness is very strange and unusual (much like her mind). If you ever confront Leslie, it is suggested that you NOT touch her hair. She is extremely protective of her volume. This volume is achieved with mountains of product that drives much of her criminal mind. It is said that she leads a life of crime, simply to finance her hair product addition.
One way to defend your self against Leslie is to turn on talk radio. This form of entertainment seems to render her virtually helpless. The screech of non-stop talking confuses her and sends overpowering radar vibes through her head, causing short-term paralyses. Even with this weakness, it is suggested that you NOT try to apprehend her; she is an insane criminal animal. If spotted, contact the FBI immediately.
Life Circumstances:
Based on interviews with former cell mates of Leslie’s, we have learned a great deal about her criminal mind and what lead her down this tangled path. Perhaps it started with her being the subject of countless blonde jokes. Perhaps being exposed to the intense heat associated with wearing a Chick-fil-a cow suit in the middle of an Arizona summer, cooked her fragile brain. Maybe there were indications in her youth, like the time she set out for a short trip from Mesa, Arizona to Awhatuke, and ending up in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
REWARD:
The Rewards For Justice Program, United States Department of State, is offering a reward of up to $25 million for information leading directly to the apprehension or conviction of Leslie Reynolds, AKA Osama Bin Leslie. Contact the FBI if you have information about her whereabouts.
Description:
· Height: 5’ 4¾” tall (don’t underestimate her prowess, she’s stealth)
· Weight: a whopping 110 pounds (soaking wet) of pure muscle – looks can be deceiving
· Eyes: blue/green, they change like a cat. WARNING: do NOT make eye contact, her gaze leaves its victims in a trance, there are known cases of death from the effect of her glance.
· Hair: high and tight! Blonde in color, brunettes beware
· Shoe size: 6 ½ to 7
· Markings: unmistakable freckle on the bottom of her left foot. CAUTION: if you can see the freckle it means that her foot is in your face.
We have recently been made aware that Leslie has been in contact with her family. Please watch for her parents, Darryl and Jeannie Reynolds, father and mother of the family of four. We only know of the whereabouts of two of the children. The oldest, Kami, was last sighted in a small town in south eastern Arizona, called Pima. She is well armed and personally protected by her 6’ 3” 165 lbs body guard. He’s lean but mean. Rumor has it that they are married, but we doubt the rumor. Leslie’s brother, Craig, was last spotted running with Gringos in Brazil. He stands 6’ 3” tall and 195 lbs. Built like a tree trunk, you won’t want to mess with the ‘Craig-n-ator’ as he is called. Then there is Madison, she is the youngest of the children age 11, and is reported to tag along with the parents, Darryl and Jeannie.
All of the family should be considered armed and dangerous. They are sometimes referred to as: The Six Pack, The Mesa Gambinos and The Sensational Six. If you have any information about their whereabouts please contact local law enforcement. Do not try to apprehend them on your own. A substantial reward is being offered.
Leslie’s piano playing skills have forced her to go mad. Eight years of dedicated piano experience allowed her to teach other students. However, this drove Leslie insane. Her attention to details and commitment to excellence overwhelmed the students and they became un-teachable. This is what caused Leslie’s fits of rage and uncontrollable violent outbursts. Leslie has been known to lock here students inside the piano bench if they did not play Bach’s Third concerto in B Minor flawlessly.
Her obsession with the TV show ‘House’ has lead to entertain raunchy delusions of perceived superiority and medical genius. Her fascination with the show lead to her performing grotesque experiments of unspeakable proportions including: melting ice cubes on one victim’s forehead and water-boarding.
Most of her crazy ideas steam from lazily laying on her bed, listening to her radio and watching her favorite, yet terribly disturbing TV shows “Monk” and “Psyche”. When not absorbed in mindless TV, Leslie has been known to read voraciously, finishing the Harry Potter series and Twilight in a matter of three hours. Her ex-best friend little miss Taylor, the tattle-telling tall-telling-trader, describes her as a ‘reading machine.’
Training, background & the criminal mind:
Leslie has been in school for the last seven years of her life, her goal: become an accomplished Marshal Arts Master. Her Sensei revealed that she has always done well in her training, learning quick and exceeding above others with little effort. All of her efforts have paid of by earning her A’s and B’s. Her training as a Ninja Warrior paid off this year when she was selected to be on the Olympic Ninja Warrior team representing China. Unfortunately, international outrage precluded her from participating. Watch out for her combat skills, even Jackie Chan won’t fight her in battle.
WARNING: her only known weakness is very strange and unusual (much like her mind). If you ever confront Leslie, it is suggested that you NOT touch her hair. She is extremely protective of her volume. This volume is achieved with mountains of product that drives much of her criminal mind. It is said that she leads a life of crime, simply to finance her hair product addition.
One way to defend your self against Leslie is to turn on talk radio. This form of entertainment seems to render her virtually helpless. The screech of non-stop talking confuses her and sends overpowering radar vibes through her head, causing short-term paralyses. Even with this weakness, it is suggested that you NOT try to apprehend her; she is an insane criminal animal. If spotted, contact the FBI immediately.
Life Circumstances:
Based on interviews with former cell mates of Leslie’s, we have learned a great deal about her criminal mind and what lead her down this tangled path. Perhaps it started with her being the subject of countless blonde jokes. Perhaps being exposed to the intense heat associated with wearing a Chick-fil-a cow suit in the middle of an Arizona summer, cooked her fragile brain. Maybe there were indications in her youth, like the time she set out for a short trip from Mesa, Arizona to Awhatuke, and ending up in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
REWARD:
The Rewards For Justice Program, United States Department of State, is offering a reward of up to $25 million for information leading directly to the apprehension or conviction of Leslie Reynolds, AKA Osama Bin Leslie. Contact the FBI if you have information about her whereabouts.
3 comments:
No wonder she won! Very clever...very original. Hope I find her first...I could use the reward money.
Congratulations Leslie! I can see why it won, it was well thought out and fun to read. Kudos
Leslie wrote that???? I am SO impressed! You rock girl! But if you publish a novel before I do, you're going down. ;)
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